You pick up the phone to call your grandma, grandpa, or even elderly parent, and after the usual, “Hello! How are you?” you find yourself wondering what to talk about next. Sound familiar?
Connecting with an elderly loved one, as silly as it may sound, may not be the most intuitive thing. Aside from figuring out what to talk about, actually getting them to hear and understand what you are saying can also be a challenge. If your loved one is starting to experience cognitive decline or hearing impairment, these difficulties can be exacerbated.
Here are some tips to make phone calls or in-person chats with your senior loved ones smoother, more interesting and even more fun.
Guess what grandma is probably most interested in hearing about? What the family has been up to!
This is particularly true if it is difficult for her (due to distance or lack of mobility) to take part in family get togethers and see her loved ones frequently. No doubt she’d love to hear how little Joe is starting to crawl, or how Elaine has finally decided to pursue a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science!
Even things that you may not think of as particularly interesting can help grandma feel like she really knows what’s going on. Perhaps you have a new project that you’re working on at work. Or, maybe you are evaluating day cares for your little one. Simple updates like these can be nice for your loved one to hear.
Aside from being a wealth of knowledge and wisdom, our elders often have some great stories from their childhoods as well! For example, ask grandpa what his favorite hobbies were growing up, or what he and his friends used to do for fun. Listening to his stories will really make you appreciate how much change grandpa has seen and experienced during his lifetime!
These stories are not only fun and engaging for you to listen to, but reminiscing about them can be very therapeutic for your older loved one too.
Perhaps your loved one is the type to keep up with the world around them. Or, it’s possible that they do not. Either way, current events can make for great conversation.
Start by asking your elderly relative if they've heard about XYZ in the news. If they have, you can jump right into expressing your point of view on the subject or asking them theirs. If they have not, then start by providing a summary of the event or news item.
It is very important that you do not make them feel silly for not knowing about whatever it is that you choose to discuss – this could cause them to withdraw instead of encouraging them to open up.
In addition to making for interesting discussion, current events can also help to keep your loved one take interest in what’s happening in the world at large. This could prompt them, for instance, to want to keep up with the news more broadly, or perhaps even just focus more on the specific issue you discussed together.
In having a conversation with your elderly parent or grandparent, it is very important to be thoughtful about how you have the conversation with them.
If your loved one has hearing impairment, you’ll definitely need to speak more loudly than you typically do. In addition, you should make sure to enunciate your words carefully. If in person, speak face-to-face, don’t speak to one side. Also, consider whether visual cues can be used to help convey meaning (for example, putting your hand on your stomach when mentioning that you are hungry).
Also, it helps to use questions and make statements that are clear and direct, and without filler words and slang. Expressing one idea at a time, or sticking to one topic at a time, can also help.
Though conversing with your older parents or grandparents can be tough at times, appreciate these opportunities. There will come a time when you will not be so lucky as to have the chance to speak to them.
Also remember that even just a short chat can really brighten their day. So make the time to regularly connect, and put in the time and effort during these conversations to really show them that you care.
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